After a real long time !

Well hello guys,
In the world of bloggin three years mean nothing less than three decades. Yes, i was away, for a really long time.
The course of life has certainly changed, the preferences too and of course the stories if not changed, have a different angle to them for sure.

So yes, a wife now and mother too *wink*
Remain a foodie and a dreamer. Settled In a completely new geography with tons of newer stories and experiences from this side of the screen.

I am feeling quite overwhelmed to begin again and that has actually taken up quite a lot of time in my restart plans - the dilemma of not knowing where exactly to start from. So I decided today to finally dive in and start afresh from the very beginning, this time my grandparents' story 😊

Upon asking my grandma again and again in our free time when we were kids we heard the same version of a very cute love story again and again. Not k owing what to do this afternoon I decided to shut my eyes for a nap and had this sudden flash of memory that stuck to my head and started tickling me to be penned down as soon as possible. So here it is!

Well, this was back in 1958- long time indeed. When o say 1958 and love story, raises eye brows right? But this one's as real as the sun.
Grandad was 20 grandma 17. Grandad student of the very esteemed Allahabad university also being on the college football and hockey teams, drop dead gorgeous and with an amazing sense of humour (is how she explains it), grandma, in her words, just the opposite. Daughter of a government servant, no school beyond standard 4th, short and dark with unevenly aligned teeth.
They met during a wedding and wessinhs back then were always a super small affair where everyone knew everyone and everyone saw everyone. So they kmsaw and knew each other's families. Turned out her cousin sister was married in the same village  as my grandpa.

Now comes the most interesting part. Upon asking how they managed to carry on their liking and portrayal of love, she tells me, we met in our wedding manual after that but how we carried on was through letters.
Letters passed to and fro by this cousin who was the messenger. And boy she has those letters with her even today!
Her memory has turned demented but how clear as crystal she remembers each of these details. How the marriage was fixed and they began their journey of life together.
How the entire clan and relatives and neighbours and friends exclaimed that grandpa is so ravishing and grandma so sober and still they continued with all the passion for their love. How in almost 6 decades now, he has never raised his voice on her, still makes her bed and outs the mosquito net for them both in the evenings, how she still starts her food only after he has picked up his first bite and how she still has that flutter in her heart when has back from his morning stroll or work (yes hes 84 and still goes to work for two hours a day).

In bits and pieces she also tells me how 'fun loving' he was that he used to the a gajra (flower band) on his wrist and go to watch 'mujras' performed by bai his during his college times along with his elder brother and friends and how she and her co-sister, my cousin grandma used to run to the movies first day first show when their husbands were busy toiling. How they raised my father and his siblings while playing rounds after round of runny as they were nothing like the naughty children of today and how their days were so full yet so beautiful!
She tells me how they used to steal ghee from their own kitchens to escape being chided by their mom's in laws and how they used to wait for the night to fall to meet their own husbands during those times, who died to disguise as women and enter the house to avoid being recognised!
She tells me how simple yet beautiful love was back then, how exciting even if confusing or weird it was.

Planning to bring up more stories by my grandparents here soon since each of them has a beautiful earthen charm to it along with being immensely funny !

Stay blessed and stay beautiful people.
Hopefully we see yours truly here more often now 😊

Nightmares---

The last two nights have been Nightmar-ish, and very literally so! Its been as if the 'devil of bad dreams' has been sitting right there, next to my bed and has been enjoying my shudders of fear.  
Most naturally, the mornings are tremendously relieving but equally grumpy. 

Its strange how dreams control us uncontrollably! And unlike the good ones, they do not allow us to wake up until a tragic end.. last two nights, I witnessed almost all sorts of overwhelmingly troublesome episodes, in my dreams.

I saw a 'demon', chasing me, my inability to run, to shout out for help-- I saw myself getting into a nasty fight with two ladies from my past, and invariably losing it-- I saw the loss of a person extremely close to my heart-- I saw myself getting soaked in heavy rains on a winter night with no shelter, all alone-- and what not! By the time I'd wake up, I'd be nothing but numb-- thanking that it was but a dream!

However, every now and then it kind of haunted me during the day and I sat back thinking do Dreams have an interpretation? If yes, what does this all mean.. at the first impulse, I took refuge of 'Google', not that I really got my answers but I think I came close..

'Stress' 'Sadness' 'inability to share one's true feelings'-- such eerie answers and I shut that down too! I decided to speak to my mother, and she, the ever-positive, lady has this to tell me, "Forget Sigmond Froyd, you're taking him too seriously.. just choose at your convinience which ones you want to keep and trash the rest off your mind. There's a reason they're called Dreams and not Reality!" -- well, little relief, but then, if it was so easy, it wouldn't have been called the 'Human Phsyche'!!

But anyway, I decided to put it at the back of my mind, voluntarily, at least temporarily and dealing with it once I got back into my 'high on life' spirits..!!
Any advices, thoughts, interpretations or consolations are more than welcome.. 

Love and other things...

Compatibilty can never be practised-- it can never be altered, induced or forced-- its either there or not there...
Affection can never be diminished-- it can never be manouvered, inflicted or taken away-- if its there, its always there...
Honesty can never be taught--- it can never be trained, situational or conviniently changed-- its inborn...
Love can never be controlled-- it happens-- its hopelessly unavoidable...

Yet another Monday, a half-working-half-shopping one-- yeah, went on a shopping spree today, after ages-- and boy, it really does lifts up one's spirits, at least if done once in a while and not followed madly like an addiction 
Anyway, so bought a few clothes, some generic stuff, but more importantly, did it all by myself followed by some street-food and a huge amount of 'me-time'-- a great deal of happiness 

Solitude, isn't always loneliness, for instance, today, as I sat on the pavement gorging on Masala Corns, I was any thing but feeling absolutely blissful! I guess its more of what goes on into our minds, I remember a time when I loathed going even to the closest market near my house, dreadful-- I felt so conscious, so terrible-- I somehow thought every god damn person out there is looking at me or worse talking about me.. but then, with time I grew up to loving myself, grew up to understand that I was all the more confident and at peace with myself, just the way I am.. I accepted myself completely and fell totally in love with myself  and, believe you me, since then, I never looked back--
It was so great just sitting there with all my shopping bags and my cup of corns looking at passers by or fellow couples and families doing their own thing.. saw a cute young couple clicking pictures and discussing which one suits best as their 'FB Profile Pic', saw an old lady and probably a son calculating their shopping expenses, a family of four with the daughter ordering 'two scoops of vanilla with chocolate sauce' to her daddy (kids these days!!), saw yet another bunch of college boys discussing reviews of 'Chennai Express'-- each of them in their own worlds while I was taking part in each of their worlds to create my own..

Frequent solitude, has induced in me the habit of 'eavesdropping'-- I listen a lot more now, than I speak, and perhaps that's why I understand better.. I have started to discover more and more about the world around than being oblivious in my own!!

A beautiful evening and an added wardrobe by end of the day 

text-books :/

Sunday Afternnon-- Home-- The Vagabond of thoughts wandering freely from topic to topic until I decide to put a 'thought-stop' at something that looks interesting enough to stop awhile and be pondered upon.

We urbans, most often or may be completely and dedicatedly, have spent or are making our future generations spend the first many (read 20+) formative years of our lives engrossed in text-books, boasting about the best of international school or competing for that reputed college or duscussing about the grades. We cannot deny this, surprisingly, we do not regret this either. It is after all very important almost necessary to study and excel academically in order to be successful in life and have a enviable life-style!
But, are we not losing out on the most importance essence of this all!? Do we in those years, or our juniors or children, learn even a single chapter of the basic lesson called 'life'? And, here I mean life in real.. do any of these institutions help us learn to be sensitive? Do we ever see grief/joy/suffering/ilness/death on a closer and more regular basis, other than ofcourse in our families or extended families, while growing up-- NO.. we do not.. We know precisely what is the answer to (a+b)2 or who formed the constitution or who authored A tale of two cities, but we remain oblivious to our inner most calling.
For consolation, we take pride in saying we went to a swimming club or our son is captain of his school football team or our daughter is amazing at the ballet-- to kind of prove to ourselves and others that its not just academics that we grow up with.. but, how many of us know what in reality is charity-- sans the definition, how many of us have ever visited an orphanage or hospice to see someone we do not know and console them, how many of us know how an orange or an apple or a banana look like when its a bud on the tree, how many of us have seen it grow and not just the ones available in the markets-- hardly a few...and actually its those few of us, who have a much much better understanding of life, of people.
I would rather urge our future generations to be about average in their academics, but toppers in sensitivity to others, not an A grader in class perhaps but to have a real time passion-- to travel as much as they can, to be as close to nature as possible-- to see not just the good and fancy side of life but the worst possible ones too, in firsthand... may be then, the life-style they'd have would be average but the style of life they lead would be extraordinary!!

Dogs---

Dogs fascinate me-- not just my own pet ones or the cute ones or handsome ones but all kinds. I somehow feel extremely strongly for even a stray. I wouldn't call this compassion, because that would imply that I have the same feeling for all animals, but no, honestly I don't. I only have this feeling for all dogs.

Probably this is why, wherever I have lived other than home, I haven't missed my dogs that much. In a country like India, not one but quite a few strays adorn the neighbourhoods of any city. So, I've always had my fair chance to love dogs, if not own them at all times. To be frank, I wouldn't go to an extent of cuddling them or touching them (hygiene issues obviously) but I kind of kept track of the strays around me, fed them a pack of Parle-g (cheap and wholesome), every now and then and that felt good.

The place where I live now has two sides in the same building, front and rear. The front side which also happens to be the main side is shared by three dogs. Young energetic and very very alert. The rear side of the building however, falls under the territory of just one female dog. I have been seeing her sitting poised and calm at the gate, everytime I go there, with an air of assertion and power. She's beautiful too- a cross probably with a golden retriever, she has a coat of brown, very furry but rough coz of her living conditions. She came to be my personal favourite almost immediately. Very calm, very meek-- she's a delight to watch. She wouldn't eat until the giver has faded away from her sight, and only after that she would settle down and start chewing ever so sophisticatedly.
Nevertheless, what I saw today, broke my heart. I was rushing back home and saw the rear gate luckily unlocked and thanked my stars for saving me the time and energy of encircling the whole building to enter from the front gate, and as I drew closer in the dark, I smelt of something very musty, very unbearable and tacky. I looked harder and there she was, that dog, burying her face into her forelegs. I went closer and I was heartbroken to see that she indeed looked extremely sick. Her coat was shedding badly and had patches all over, her nose was so dry and she smelt foul. I so clearly remember this smell, it came from one of my dogs who had been terminally sick of Parvo Virus.
I couldn't stand the sight and rushed to the shop closeby and bought two packets of Parle-g biscuits. I knew very well that with her coat shedding the sugar will only harm her, but I wanted to give her temporary relief from the hunger and cold I saw her in. She was starving and was too weak and sick to even get up. The incessant rains for the last five days are to be blamed I guessed, I felt so helpless and sorry in my heart as i knew what the outcome is going to be! Hoping against hope, I returned home telling myself that I'm going back there first thing in the morning, with a bowl of warm milk.

Strengths of life...

As i stood in my balcony while talking to Daddy dearest today, my attention moved to the terrace of the house that stands opposite to mine and my eyes fell upon a tiny roughly-about-3 years old boy counting 1-2-3 facing the wall at the top of his voice. The terrace was dimly lit and I couldn't see clearly until after I hung up on the phone. It was then, that I saw his mother, pretending to hide behind a pillar too short for her height, waiting for her son to 'I-spy' her and rejoice at his discovery-- that made me smile-- a genuine hearty smile after a really long and harrowing day..

This spectacle, although extremely simple and day-to-day, nothing-so-fancy-about-it kinds, actually made my day-- it reinstalled in me the faith, that no matter what, we always have people who love us, to fall back on-- whoever we are, whatever we might have done, however tough the going must be getting, we do always have an equally strong support system to counter those adversities-- all of us , by default, have one or a few or sometimes many people, we can place in that category-- that is probably the most beautiful thing about life.. and its not just for a human life, its equally strongly present in animals or plants even..

How aggressively fierce a mother can get when she sees her child in danger, as opposed to her soft maternal instinct can probably be felt only by motherhood-- how pained a father's eyes can look when he sees his children distraught, as opposed to the tough man he always would have been can again be empathised only by another father-- how protective or possessive a sibling can get when their younger ones are bullied or how a lover feels upon seeing their partner upset or sad, how a friend stands fiercely in the way of an upcoming trouble and so on.. these are the most invaluable and priced gifts a person can be blessed with!

They say, God could not be everywhere,so he created Mothers-- I alter it to say, he created all these bunch of people including mothers..

Introspection---

Much less than often, an extraordinary incident happens in our life and stays with us for the rest of our life time. One such introspectional episode occured in my life today.

I don't waste any time in buulding impressions or judging people, irrespective of knowing them or not knowing them. Most of us do that, most of the time.. but today, something happened which made me think how shallow that is! I decided not to be or at least try not to be judgemental so easily henceforth..

My flu seems to have fallen deeply in love with me and forced me to pay yet another expensive visit to my doctor.. waiting for my turn to come, I saw a girl probably my age sitting beside me on the waiting bench with her mother.

She too was invaded by the changing weather illness like me and we were both waiting for the same doctor.. it took me a little time to realise that the girl couldn't see.. she was blind.. she was wearing her black goggles but I had perceived that it might have been coz her eyes must be having an allergy due to the cold like mine, I understood only when her mother assisted her to the ladies room that she was blind..

What followed was a pang of sympathy in me.. for 'the poor girl'.. I decided to get myself introduced to her once she comes back and make her feel comfortable-- our turns were after four patients and that easily meant about 40 minutes..

She came back, her mother sat beside me this time and she herself started the conversation-- it went like how long people have to wait even for a doctor, the weather is so erratic, where I live, where am I from etc.. I got my chance too-- I asked the blind girl her name.. she was Sunitha.. she was NOT meek or scared or introvert as I had expected.. she started talking to me, she changed places with her mother so that she could listen to me more carefully.. she told me she wasn't blind by birth, she turned blind at 12 when suddenly a hereditary disease struck her and weakened a nerve in her eyes permanently damaging her eyes.. I was even more pitiful now..

The conversation flowed and Sunitha told me she joined a singing academy after the incident, she sings all across Bangalore in various shows-- she learnt brail, and she now works at the State Bank of India.. I was SURPRISED..she was doing much better than most of us with both eyes workin !! Woah!! What a lady!!! My pity and sympathy turned into the strongest admiration for this young woman!

She told me she had the option of wallowing in her grief for the rest of her life but she chose to rather set an example of will and determination!! She's very active on Facebook and loves to get herself photographed..though she can only imagine how she looks in each one of them...

Meeting Sunitha-- I learnt the biggest lesson of my life-- she spoke to me, asked about me, told about herself and at the end, she told me, 'you're beautiful'... this was the best-est compliment of my life-- not that no one's called me beautiful before, but I felt really beautiful today.. coz it came from a person who dint see skin-deep beauty-- she dint see what I wore or how I look.. she judged my personslity.. and I loved it!

My turn came..I saw the doctor, took an auto and while coming on my way back saw each person differently.. I did not notice what they wore or how they walked.. I learnt to notice them from inside.. may be how they felt or what they thought..

My world is different now.. a lot less percetive based and a lot more interpersonal..